i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
