I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
