Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
