Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
