I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
