the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
