i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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