We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
