Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
