This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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