So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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