Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
