dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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