Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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