We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
