It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Randomize
