i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
