I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
