Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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