I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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