i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm too high and old for this...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
