yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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