Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
