I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
