just tell him i said nine months
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
