I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
