I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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