Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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