Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
