if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
