I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
