his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
