3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
