I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Semen is not good for contacts.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
