Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
