nutella sex= disaster
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I won't apologize to a one balled man
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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