why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
