Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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