I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
