so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
