Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
