my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
