Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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