oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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