So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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