you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
