Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
