there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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