I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
