Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
