You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
