Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
