Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I didn't notice because vodka
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
