i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
