I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
