then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we should paint friendship bongs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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