He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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