you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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