i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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