I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
