you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
