So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
