i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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