Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
