We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
