Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have feelings that need drinking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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