I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
