When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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